I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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