I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
