don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
