Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
