I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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