She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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