I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
high people should be assigned attendants
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
