HIV tests are more positive than that guy
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
