I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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