My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
