oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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