she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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