Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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