Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
