whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
