I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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