Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you never un-have a 4some
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
