hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
