I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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