I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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