I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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