I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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