I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
