like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
