I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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