Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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