thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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