tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
