just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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