just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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