i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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