He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
only if we run a train.
done.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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