I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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