thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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