toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
