booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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