ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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