I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
