That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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