so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
