this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
