If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
