dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
