Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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