Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
