omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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