ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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