Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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