Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
