my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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