It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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