ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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