I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
