I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
