Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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