Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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