the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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