also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
