my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
