Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
