Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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