I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
