Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
