fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
