(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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