My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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