Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
