I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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