my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
