Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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