Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
