I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
