Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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