i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
