i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize