I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
