Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
