I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
