There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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