Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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